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Wednesday, December 22

well, i know i'm not meant to be dwelling in the past. and to be honest, i haven't been doing that. everytime i sulk on the fact that i'm away from home, from family, from people i care for the most, i start beating myself up about it and telling myself never to go back to where i was when i cried most nights into my pillow just so i could be with people who love me and i love them back. i felt it was a great pity i was missing out on their lives and i'd make sure i wasn't enjoying myself too much so they are not 'missing out' too. that time, i didn't know better. i was called for greater things. moulding me to be a better person, a stronger one. and at the same time i still had people caring for me! i just didn't see that, i wasn't cherishing my present moment then. and now when i think about it, it had been a tremendous journey building me to be the person i am now. and being strong doesn't mean tough, being independent doesn't mean to not need anyone -Portia de Rossi

regretfully, i went back to his blog today, after a long time. i know i shouldn't be happy about it. but i am, i am for myself that even though i've given him many chances to pull himself out of it, that i am finally out. it was such a huge struggle but im relieved to know that it's all in the past and that as much as i hated it, i had to and i was able to detach. hurtful words were thrown at me, those that were insensible and immature, they were not held back. and this time, i feel for this girl. jic, im saying no more. but i really hope she's alright. and that he'd be able to mature and view the bigger picture in time to come. (would definitely help if it were soon)

i just wanna write this to remind myself in the future that people on CI, swong's&amos's cell, eunice&daryl, ICC and def my current housemates in alex&amelia's have helped my a great deal to overcome feeling sorry for myself all this while and walking me through my 'ordeal'. thank God for sending me these angels. couldn't have been able to stand up again without them.


15:17